This is my first entry here but it is not my first blog. I have been off and on updating a blog-esque site at www.quarterlife.com/endofhistory. Although this has some of my aimless musings, it has been more geared towards my short screenplay writing. However, being a relatively self-contained site, I have not received much feedback of any kind of my work, both blog and screen writing. Thus, I have decided to diversify by opening up to a new audience: wordpress.
I’m not a a particularly open person, which makes blogging counter-intuitive to my nature. However, over the course of the past year or so, I have realized that my openness is only part insecurity. The other part has been a lack of audience, which is what led to me start writing. I, like most other people on the internet, was looking for a place of release while also seeking self-verification. I needed to know that what I was thinking about was warranted, true (or false) or simply delusional. I needed to know that I existed.
Although I have found writing for myself incredibly therapeutic, I found that wanted to take the next step and find an audience. Thus, the internet stepped in. I thought that by posting my work and my thoughts online, I would receive some acknowledgment, either positive or negative. However, I’ve been disappointed in this area. Most of the commentary I’ve received is from my close friends who know me far more than any of you ever will most likely. Not that there advice and criticism has been mediocre or unwanted, because I have greatly appreciated their input, but sometimes you want a third party. I am still looking for that person, or those people, who don’t know me and have no notions about my personality to step in and take a peak under the covers of my life. Isn’t that a strange, 21st century desire? To have our privacy invaded? But it’s not longer invasion when we proffer our lives to the hungry, screen-staring masses, it’s an invitation.
So I’m inviting you to take a look at my life, at least the parts I present to you. I’m looking for dialogue, criticism, verification, anything. I’m calling this blog, for now, thoughts and actions because that’s what our lives are about. We think and we act. But sometimes, we dont’ act on our thoughts and that is why I’m here, writing to a crowd I can’t see. Though this is not much, this is my first action towards opening up.
-Gabe
1 response so far ↓
relife162 // May 30, 2008 at 5:24 am |
you may be disappointed, because our words are something of ourselves.
and often remind us of just how empty we sometimes are.
yet in the pursuit of an audience, I have found that faint clap from the inside… a new understanding that I can be my own audience of a sometimes interesting, sometimes bland and repetitive cinema piece called living.