A (Disconnected) Series of Unfortunate Events

I’ve been finding it difficult to create functioning narratives with my screenplays. Before I put down a single word, I need to know, atleast roughly, what is going to happen. Sure, I can write some bits of dialogue or  a scene or two, but that doesn’t give me a film. My problem is that I think of images before I think of stories. Thus, I end up with a series of events; moments of action and dialogue that I try to expand into full, 90-100 minute stories. I know its possible, but I’m just having difficulty with it.

For example, I’ve been stopped dead in my tracks on this treatment I’ve been working on. Its about a family coming together for the youngest son’s bar mitzvah and under this premise, we begin to see why this family has been so estranged for so long. Its a story of maturity and masculinity at different stages in people’s lives. I really think it has a lot of potential, but for some reason, I can only sequence out the story through the 1st act. I know certain things have to take place in the future, but I can’ figure how to get from event A to event B.

Partially in response to this frustration, I’ve started toying with another idea. So far, I’ve only been brainstorming, nothing in print yet. Yet I’m finding myself in the same predicament. I know what themes I want to address, I know three or four images/events I want to include, but that’s it, and that is so far from what a story is. Its really frustrating. I can see these scenes so clearly in my head, but that’s all they are, independant, stagnant images. No cohesion, no arc, nothing. I’d like to think that as I develop a few scenes and just continue to write that a story will emerge, but I don’t think that actually happens in real life.

All I  know is that I’m starting to disappoint myself.

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

I need a favor. I’m applying for a writing internship with a company that produces trailers, promos and tv spots (www.goodspot.com). Along with the standard resume that I’m going to email them, I need to send both writing samples and mock copies (narration/titles during a trailer) for two movies. I need opinions. I need to know which of these past entries (if any) are actually good pieces of writing and are emblematic of my style. I’d appreciate any help. Thanks.

About the internship, who knows if I could even do the internship if I got it, considering its such a big time commitment, but the fact that I have an assignment before I even apply is simultaneously exciting and terrifying. Hopefully the work I show them will impress them enough to offer me an internship. Who knows where this internship will take me, considering its such a niche, but I still think its an important and exciting opportunity. I don’t want this to just slip away.

Attention, Attention (Dirty Numbers)

It’s comforting to know that 167 of the views my blog has received derive solely from people searching for the single word “sex.” This 167 excludes the several hundred more (this is where I wander into guestimation rather than actual number-crunching) that use the word “sex” in conjunction with other search items such as the words “hard,” “fuck” and “strange.”

Really, it is a great feeling that when the horniest of America’s public goes searching for porn, they end up reading about my poor attempts at screenwriting. So maybe I should just tag the word “sex” in everyone of my blogs in an effort to boost my readership. It is nice to see my views count jump by numbers in excess of 30 in one particular day, but on the other hand, it takes away from the euphoria when you realize that those views last for about 0.6 seconds closes my page and returns to masturbating to a video of three girls illegal immigrants fucking there way across the border into the United States (it really does have a dramatic storyline and offers some criticism of how our nation deals with illegal immigration).

Is there the chance though that maybe one of the167 viewers actually took time out of there busy masturbation schedule to read what I’ve written? I know its far-fetched but is it unbelievable? Don’t answer that. Maybe its just fun seeing how horny our nation is. Maybe I enjoy seeing how Americans lose all sense of spelling when they’re aroused. Maybe that’s enough to justify tagging some more explicit words despite my relatively clean content.

Come to think of it, maybe I just like the attention.

Scratch that. I really don’t want attention from these people. I just like seeing that view number rise and occassionally receiving a comment from friends and strangers alike.

Forget it, now I just sound like an attention-grubbing whore.

Commitment

I’ve made a loose resolution. I want to start writing more often; with more frequency and more regularly. Ultimately, I want this to be a habit-forming experience, an expression you probably don’t hear being used too positively.

I’ve realized that my writing has stalled as I wait for the right “mood” or “inspiration” to strike me. But the problem is, if you never put your words out there, then none of them are going to lead to something more. I have to write more because when I write more, I’m more likely to create something worth keeping, improving upon and sharing with other people.

Whether this habit because a daily activity, a bi-weekly activity or just a weekend experience, I need my body to get into a natural rhythm so I can begin to just create when I want to.

I’m tired of sitting and waiting for the right mood to strike me. Waiting three weeks to sit down and write out a few pages that I won’t touch again for days. And to say that I want to be a screenwriter, this is sort of upsetting and shaming. How the hell am I ever going to pursue this if I can’t make a commitment? I need to let go and just chase after this with whatever I have. This is the first time when I’ve felt that I have something worth going after, something worth dedicating myself to rather than just going through the motions.

Who knows if this is really what I want to do with my life, but for now, I’m finally passionate about something and I don’t want to let that slip away.

Something Lasting

Send me somewhere where there is clarity of thought; clarity of action. I don’t want to be here anymore but there is no place better for me to be. Send me across the ocean where the people and the places aren’t familiar. Where the buildings scream their stories across the city. Send me somewhere where there is a light and a dark and no gray. Send me to a field, grass high and itching. There, I will set down flares to illuminate the darkness; the flames and the smoke creating some ethereal and beautiful.

That is what I want to create. Something that transcends people, place and time. Something that people will see from miles around and come running. Something lasting and beautiful.

Independence Day

I’m starting to wonder what I’m doing with my summer. I’m working, yes, but other than those 6-8 shifts 4 times a week, I’m doing very little. I watch hours of VH1. I watch Randy Jackson Presents America’s Best Dance Crew 2 (good dancing, but Mario Lopez and Lil’ Mama piss me off). I fiddle around on the computer I just inherited from my sister.

Right now, things are moving slowly. Its not that summer kind of slow, where the days feel longer and all the knots in everyone’s shoulders come undone, its the kind of slow brought on by empty hours desperately trying to be filled with whatever is handy. Its the kind of slow that, when the day is over, you look back and wonder to yourself “what did I do today?” And the silent response you receive is the correct one: nothing.

Is it the post-freshman year blues where everyone realizes that they like their school friends more? For me, I don’t think so. Maybe its the dullness of suburban life dictated by work and parents compared to the wild freedom of college-life. Also not for me. So what is it that has laid a blanket of melancholy on me and so many other people I know? Its startling really, everyone seems to be drifting, hoping that the rain and the wind of our New England weather will push them in the right direction.

Maybe some have been pushed. Others have stayed still. With a few exception, I’ve stood still and unchanging over the past year. There are few stories for me to recount that embody my college experience thus far. My friends from school and my friends from home are incomparable. I’m same the person, which is maybe why I’m spending my first Independance Day since I was seven at home and finding it difficult to get moving.

I’ve lost my coherency, which is probably a reflection of my attitude towards the summer right now: without direction, purpose or clarity. So where does that leave me?